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Never Mind

November 8, 2009.

After I made a run to the grocery store the other day, out in the parking lot as I was putting things away, a car pulled into the space next to me.

The car was a beauty — a late-model silver Corvette convertible, black top, black interior.

It had Fulton County tags, which for the benefit of you non-locals means Atlanta, about 50 miles south of here. What this vehicle was doing at a shopping center in Jefferson, I can’t say.

The driver was a beauty, too. She was a strikingly pretty girl of the Caucasian persuasion, late 20s or early 30s, with long, dark, luxurious hair.

She wore giant sunglasses and a well-tailored, snug-fitting red shirt. I noted as she got out of the car — oh, how I noted — that she wore white shorts and heeled sandals. She had a spectacular figure.

This girl was a hottie with a capital H, and she knew it. She was world-class gorgeous, incredibly beautiful — so much so that gazing directly at her was difficult because of the dazzle factor.

Trying my best not to gawk or drool, I finished loading my groceries and got into the car. As she walked around the rear of the vehicles, I glanced in my rear-view mirror and got one last look as she walked toward the drug store, long legs pistoning briskly, derriere in motion, heels clacking on the pavement.

But I wish to God I had not looked in that mirror.

If I had not looked, I would carry in my mind an enchanting image of an earthly angel, a wonderful vision of feminine loveliness, a small reward to brighten an old man’s day.

Instead, tragically, I gazed too long. The image I now carry is of the woman stopping, leaning over, and allowing gravity to slowly transport a huge, elongated glob of spittle down a sewer grate.
Hottie

Remembering Dean Tate

November 7, 2009.

This is the Wikipedia definition of a panty raid:

—————

A panty raid is a prank in which male students steal the panties (undergarments) of female students by intruding into their quarters.

The first documented incident occurred on February 25, 1949, at Augustana College in Rock Island, Illinois. Around 250 men entered the women’s building through heating tunnels beneath the school. Although a few panties were taken, the goal was to cause commotion.

The next incident was on March 21, 1952, when University of Michigan students raided a dormitory. This led to raids across the nation.

Penn State’s first raid involved 2,000 males marching on the women’s dorms, cheered on by the women, who opened doors and windows and tossed out lingerie.

The spring ritual continued in the 1960s. Three students were expelled from the University of Mississippi for panty raids in 1961.

By the 1970s, mixed dorms and less inhibited attitudes to sex on campus led to a fading of panty raids.

—————

Panty raids were still in vogue, but on the wane, when I went off the college. When I arrived at the University of Georgia in 1960, fall quarter was devoted to football, winter quarter to muddling through, and spring quarter to hedonism — including panty raids.

Most of the time, the raids were spontaneous. Most occurred on a Friday or Saturday evening, under the comforting cloak of darkness, perhaps as a small group of idle students lounged on the steps of a dormitory.

A student whose girlfriend lived in a particular women’s dormitory might casually suggest a panty raid on that dorm. If the idea caught fire, as it often did, students would fan out to inform their friends.

Some would get on the phone, others would run the halls of the dorms, announcing the plan. Before long, the small group on the dormitory steps had grown into a hooting and whistling crowd of several hundred.

I was involved in five or six such events during my college years, but I was always a spectator — one of the multitude who watched the fun from the sidelines.

I had no intention of running pell-mell through a women’s dorm in pursuit of lingerie. I knew that if I were nabbed during a panty raid by the campus cops, or worse, by the Dean of Men, my life would be over. Dad would see to that.

So I enjoyed the spectacles from a safe distance. The events were great fun and virtually always harmless.

There was, however, one blood-chilling exception to that safe distance thing.

The University of Georgia has enjoyed many fine institutions over the years. But no campus institution is more revered than the longtime service of the steely-eyed Dean of Men, William “Wild Bill” Tate.

Dean Tate came to UGA as a freshman in 1920. After graduation and a brief period as a professor, he became Dean of Men in 1946.

During his tenure, the Dean presided over his share of  panty raids, as well as the bumpy desegregation of the University and the years of the Vietnam War protests.

Dean Tate was a harsh disciplinarian. During the 1962-63 school year, he suspended 42 students, placed 257 on probation, and issued 1,430 student warnings.

When a student’s behavior was inappropriate, Dean Tate would confiscate the offender’s I.D. card. To get it back, the student was obliged to appear at the Dean’s office to discuss his actions.

But strict though he was, Dean Tate was widely known as an honorable and compassionate man, especially if you behaved yourself. He counseled troubled students, pushed them to be their best, and often loaned money to boys with financial problems.

He was, in short, a Georgia student’s best friend and worst enemy.

In Spring Quarter 1962, my Sophomore year at UGA, as a panty raid took shape in the gathering darkness one Saturday night, the specter of Dean Tate loomed large.

It loomed because it was Dean Tate who would be summoned to break up the raid and restore order.

Although the man was aging and portly, he was lightning fast.

No, seriously. Bill Tate was a track star as an undergraduate, and even in the 1960s, it showed.

At the beginning of my sophomore year, I had transferred from Reed Hall, the freshman dorm, to Lipscomb Hall, one of the new residence halls at the foot of Baxter Street near Sanford Stadium.

I chose Lipscomb because (1) it was brand new, (2) it was close to campus, and (3) it was the designated dorm for the football team.

I thought it would be interesting to be around the football players, and I figured that between the players and the coaches, peace and order would be strictly enforced.

That was indeed the case, most of the time. But it was on the lawn in front of Lipscomb Hall that a panty raid took shape that Saturday night in 1962.

The intended target was Church Hall, a women’s dorm 100 yards away on the other end of the quadrangle.

If I could relive that evening, I would climb to the roof of Lipscomb Hall and take videos to capture the sight of the churning humanity, the sound of the utter chaos, and the sheer joy of the youthful high spirits. Alas, I cannot share those images with you.

On the ground in 1962, it was a go-with-the-flowing-crowd kind of experience. For my part, nothing was planned. I just wandered around and gravitated toward the most activity and the loudest noise.

That meant moving steadily across the quad and closer to the epicenter at Church Hall.

I have no idea if any of the men entered Church Hall, and really, it didn’t matter. The night was already a success; chaotic merriment, after all, is its own reward.

Then, as I was standing in the middle of the quad, harmlessly watching the events unfold and harmlessly reveling in the merriment, everything changed.

From behind, a hand roughly seized my shirt collar and locked on with a powerful grip. I was startled, shocked, powerless.

“Quiet down, son,” growled the familiar voice of Dean Tate in my ear. “The fun is over for you.”

The good Dean strode purposefully across the lawn, dragging me behind him. I stumbled backwards, trying to stay on my feet.

The Dean began barking orders to the students in the quad. “You boys break it up, right now! I want this lawn cleared! Get yourselves back to your rooms, you hear me?”

I knew Dean Tate wanted to nab another student or two, but like a school of fish, the mass swarmed tantalizingly out of his reach.

Finally, when a nearby student seemed to let down his guard, the Dean lunged toward him, his free hand outstretched to make the capture.

When he did, his iron grip on my collar relaxed ever so slightly. That was all I needed. I yanked free and ran. I ran faster and farther than ever before or since.

Today, Dean Tate is remembered for much more than his role in thwarting panty raids. When UGA was racially desegregated in 1961, the Dean took it upon himself to escort the two black students, Charlayne Hunter and Hamilton Holmes, through the registration process.

Once, on a rainy night, he went to the scene of a car wreck, found a student’s severed ear, and took it to the hospital, where it was successfully reattached.

And in 1970, when Georgia students organized a sit-in to protest the killings at Kent State, Dean Tate donned love beads and sat with the protesters.

The Dean once said, “I’d rather be Dean of Men at Georgia than president at Harvard.” He loved the University and its students, and they, in turn, loved him.

In 1971, the Dean retired. He remained in Athens until his death in 1980.

By then, I was working in the Advertising Department at Lithonia Lighting in Conyers, Georgia, alongside my friend Larry, the Art Director, also a Georgia grad.

As a tribute to Dean Tate, we placed an ad in the UGA student newspaper, The Red & Black. It was a simple line drawing with no text — just an image of the Dean next to another Georgia institution, the University’s symbolic Arch.

Not long after our tribute ran, we received a letter from the Dean’s son, Jeff. He was not pleased. He threatened legal action for unauthorized use of his father’s likeness.

He had every right, I suppose. We were so determined to honor the Dean that we overlooked the legalities. It was very amateurish of us.

In the end, our boss wrote a letter and defused the situation. He convinced Jeff that our intentions had been to pay tribute to a man we respected, not to use his memory for corporate gain.

So the episode was forgotten, except for one small fact that sticks in my craw to this day: we could have used the Dean’s likeness freely if we had paid a fee.

This is the image that got us in trouble. I still think it’s an excellent likeness. I still think it was a fitting tribute.

Dean Tate

Mind Over Matter

November 6, 2009.

This science fiction short story, written in the style of the classic era, is by an Australian, Tony Plank, a semi-retired computer programmer and sci-fi fan.

——————

Mind Over Matter

By Tony Plank
Copyright 1998

Lasercuffed, Danny Soames sat before the interrogation computer of the dreaded Thought Police.

“C’mon, Danny,” it said, “We know you did the bank heist. Where’d you stash the loot?”

Knowing they had brain scanners raking his synapses for the slightest thought, he closed his eyes, and as only trained psychics can do, blanked out his mind.

“Yeah, we know you can do that,” said the lilting female voice of the computer, “But you can’t hold out forever. You’ll fall asleep before long, and when you do, we’ll be able to enter your subconscious, probe its every neuron, and find out all we need to know.”

For 10 hours they questioned him, and when he hadn’t budged, they returned him to his cell and waited for him to fall asleep.

Sitting in a corner of his cell, fighting to stay awake, Danny recognised the neuro-tingles of his mother’s thought patterns probing his psyche, looking for a way in. He opened briefly and let them enter.

“What’ll I do, Danny?” she wailed. “Who’ll look after me now you’ve been arrested? I’m old and feeble. Where will I get money for food? I suppose I’ll have to dig the garden and plant potatoes or something … but how am I supposed to do that at my age?  I’m 73, Danny. I shouldn’t have to do manual labour at my age. “

Suddenly Danny was wide awake. “DON’T DIG UP THE GARDEN, MA!” he beamed back at her, and despite the fact he knew they were scanning his every thought, he beamed it again vigorously. “Whatever you do … DON’T DIG IN THE GARDEN!”

Two days later, she came through again.

“Lots of police came here yesterday, Danny,” she cried. “They dug the whole garden over several times and didn’t miss an inch, but they didn’t seem to find what they were looking for. I don’t understand it, Danny. What could they have wanted? What were they looking for?”

Now tired beyond belief from two days of staying awake, and knowing that as soon as he fell asleep the scanners would rake his brain and learn all, he smiled to himself, relaxed his concentration, and let the trap-doors of his mind swing open.

Yeah… they’d find out where he’d stashed the loot, and when he woke, they’d give him 10 years hard labour on the Asteroid Belt for his troubles. These days, no one beat the Thought Police.

He felt the pin-pricking filigrees of pain in his head as the scanners began their work. But before he succumbed and gave up his deepest, darkest secret, he’d take them for one last ride — put it up ‘em one last time.

Knowing that upstairs they’d be crowded around the scanner screens waiting for the answer, he beamed one last reply to his mother:

“They’ve done all the hard work for you, Ma. Now you can plant the potatoes.”
Potatoes

Kumbaya Moments

November 5, 2009.

In the summer of 1960, after I was accepted as a freshman at the University of Georgia, I got a letter from UGA inviting me to participate with other selected students in something called Freshman Camp.

The university had just started a program wherein they chose 100 incoming students each year for indoctrina–  orientation before the start of fall quarter.

I was flattered to be invited, but Freshman Camp turned out to be a huge disappointment.

They herded us through three days of forgettable lectures and interminable social gatherings that required us to be polite and attentive in spite of wanting to scream. They even staged a talent show, participation in which, fortunately, was optional.

Thank God role-playing exercises had not been invented yet.

Overall, Freshman Camp was very political. The university said it selected “potential student leaders” to attend. But most of the kids who showed up were social-climbing toadies — the small town suck-ups, the future politicians. I had the feeling the University wanted it that way.

Why on earth was Rocky Smith chosen to join that bunch? Probably because on paper, I sounded interesting.

I was a native Georgian, the son of native-born parents. I had just spent three years living in Europe, and I graduated from a high school full of American kids living as military dependents in Germany.

I guess they needed a few wild cards to season their crop of toadies.

Maybe it’s just me, but I thought Freshman Camp was a major dud. I was relieved when it was over, and good riddance to it.

The best thing about it, except for putting it behind me, was that it made the real beginning of college all the more sane and enjoyable.

I’m sorry, but I’ve never been much for kumbaya moments.

Naturally, the University continues to conduct Freshman Camp today — or at any rate, a modern version thereof. I’m sure I wouldn’t recognize it. The concept seems to have been greatly enhanced.

Nowadays, staged under the umbrella name “Dawg Camp,” are four — count ‘em, four — freshman gatherings each year.

There is Discovery Camp, a leadership retreat; Adventure Camp, a wilderness experience; Classic City Camp, a team-building exercise; and Fusion Camp, which dips its toe in the Athens music scene.

If you don’t believe me, read it for yourself here.

I’ll give you odds that at some point during those sessions, role-playing is involved.

Someone once told me that in every organization, as the least competent members are identified, they are assigned to tasks where they can do the least harm.

I submit that Dawg Camp is a case of that principle at work.

Camp

Pinhead Saves the Day

November 4, 2009.

A few days ago, I was checking out in the self-service line at Kroger, and the attendant came over to say hello. Her son Brandon and my granddaughter Maddie are both in kindergarten at Jefferson Elementary School. We usually exchange pleasantries when I shop there.

I asked if her kids had enjoyed Halloween, and she launched into an elaborate tale that made me wish I had taken a seat before asking.

This is her story…

—————

Oh, the kids had a great time, except for the rain. Brandon was Buzz Lightyear, and Brock was Woody the cowboy, and they looked so cute together. Woody was bigger than Buzz, just like in the movie — because, you know, Brock is eight and Brandon is five — and they were just darling!

Billy and I took the boys to the Halloween Walk in downtown Jefferson on Friday — Billy is my husband — and we almost backed out of going because of the rain. But we thought, well, the kids were looking forward to it SO much, and we HATED to disappoint them over a little rain.

But, you know, it never rained that hard, really. Woody’s cowboy hat was a perfect umbrella, and the Buzz Lightyear helmet — it kept the rain out, but with all the humidity, the helmet got steamed up inside, and poor Brandon couldn’t see where he was going half the time. I had to keep reaching in from the back with a tissue and clearing the fog for him.

But then 30 seconds later, the fog was back, and I had to do it again. And again. You can imagine how many tissues I went through that night. And I didn’t want to throw ‘em on the ground — well, I did want to, actually — but I hated to do that, and by the time we got home, all of my pockets were bulging with wet tissues, all soggy and falling apart, and I couldn’t hardly get the messy things out of my pockets.

But yeah, the Halloween Walk was a lot of fun for the kids. They got home with enough candy to last the rest of the year. Not that it WILL. They’ll eat on it for a few days, and I’ll eat on it, and Billy and me will swipe some to take to work, and by this time next week, we’ll all be sick of it, and I’ll pitch out what’s left. That’s the way it goes.

But, you know, what was really funny was Halloween night — Saturday — when Billy and me, and Billy’s brother and his wife, went to a costume party in Commerce.

You have to know Billy to appreciate this, but he worked for weeks to make his costume. What he made was a Pinhead mask — you know, Pinhead the Hellraiser?

Billy bought a rubber skull cap — the kind that fits tight on your head — and he painted a grid on it and glued nails to it, just like Pinhead.

And it looked just as real as in the movies. Except in the movies, Pinhead is so cool and serious, and Billy couldn’t stop giggling and grinning, because he was so pleased the way his costume came out.

I mean, you could tell he was proud of it — cocky, really. I have to admit, he did a great job. It sure looked real.

Billy’s brother Don dressed up as Michael Myers from the Halloween movies. Michael Myers, with the mask and the overalls and the kitchen knife?

Donny didn’t make his own costume, though. He bought it in Athens, I think he said. It was a good costume, but not as good as Pinhead.

Oh — Don’s wife Peggy went as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Only, she was, like, a risqué Dorothy. She had the pigtails and ruby slippers, but she wore a short skirt and a low-cut top. Not your average Dorothy.

I went as a flapper from the roaring 20s. It’s a good thing nobody asked me to dance the Charleston, ’cause I wouldn’t know where to start!

But you can imagine how Billy and Donny looked standing side by side. We got to the party and they knocked on the door, and some lady opened it and said, “Good God Almighty, you boys are a fright!”

The party was real nice. Billy works with the people who gave it, and they’re real nice. They cooked hamburgers, and the smoke was a problem for a lot of the people wearing masks.

But what I wanted to tell you about was, late that evening when the party was breaking up, one of the couples couldn’t get their truck to start.

Well, half the men at the party were auto mechanics, and you should have seen ‘em. They all headed outside in a big bunch to get the truck started. They all wanted to be the one to fix it, you could tell.

Peggy and me and some of the other girls stood on the porch and watched. The boys raised the hood, and they all leaned in to see what was wrong.

It was a sight. There was Pinhead talking to Michael Myers, and next to them was Robert E. Lee, and next to him was Napoleon Dynamite.

And there was a Captain Jack Sparrow, and a Darth Vader, and the Incredible Hulk, and a couple of others I don’t remember.

Oh — Darth Vader and Michael Myers took off their masks to work, but Billy didn’t take off his Pinhead mask. That thing took him 30 minutes to put on, so I wasn’t surprised.

It was so funny! It was, like, they forgot they were in costume, and they were being so serious and technical.

Well, anyway, it took a while, and they got into a couple of big arguments over it — snapping at each other like little kids — but finally, they got the truck started.

I don’t know what the problem was, but Billy figured it out. He was right about what it was, and the others were wrong, and I thought, oh, Lord, now I’ll have to listen to him crow about it all the way home.

Which he did. Oh, yeah, he did. But I guess he was entitled.

On the way home, I said, “Sugar, I think I found a new pet name to call you. It’s perfect: Pinhead.”

So Billy says, “I’ll swear, girl — a man proves his skills as a master mechanic, and his wife calls him a pinhead. Is that the proper respect?”

I just laughed, and I said — OH! Sorry, Mr. Smith, I got people backing up all of a sudden! Gotta go check IDs! I’ll see you next time! Bye-bye!

—————

And away she went to tend to her duties.

The fact is, I know quite a few of the clerks, tellers, and waitpersons in my territorial range.

Getting to know the local service people is a habit that came down from my mama. She raised us to be nice to people when you don’t have to. She said it’s a test of character.

Maybe so, but I don’t find it an imposition to be friendly.

In fact, most of the time, all you have to do is shut up and listen.

Pinhead

Michael Myers

Kroger

Tune o’ the Day

November 3, 2009.

City of New Orleans

By Arlo Guthrie, 1985
Written by Steve Goodman

Arlo Guthrie

Ridin’ on the City of New Orleans.
Illinois Central, Monday morning rail.
15 cars and 15 restless riders.
Three conductors, 25 sacks of mail.

All along the southbound odyssey,
The train pulls out at Kankakee,
And rolls along past houses, farms, and fields.
Passin’ trains that have no names,
And freight yards full of old black men,
And the graveyards of the rusted automobiles.

Good morning, America, how are you?
Say, don’t you know me — I’m your native son.
I’m the train they call the City of New Orleans.
I’ll be gone 500 miles when the day is done.

Dealin’ card games with the old men in the club car.
Penny a point, ain’t no one keepin’ score.
Pass the paper bag that holds the bottle.
Feel the wheels rumblin’ ‘neath the floor.

And the sons of Pullman porters
And the sons of engineers
Ride their fathers’ magic carpets made of steel.
Mothers with their babes asleep
Are rockin’ to the gentle beat,
And the rhythm of the rails is all they feel.

Good morning, America, how are you?
Say, don’t you know me — I’m your native son.
I’m the train they call the City of New Orleans.
I’ll be gone 500 miles when the day is done.

Nighttime on The City of New Orleans.
Changin’ cars in Memphis, Tennessee.
Halfway home, we’ll be there by morning.
Through the Mississippi darkness,
Rollin’ down to the sea.

But all the towns and people seem
To fade into a bad dream,
And the steel rails still ain’t heard the news.
The conductor sings his song again,
“The passengers will please refrain” –
This train’s got the Disappearin’ Railroad Blues.

Good night, America, how are you?
Say, don’t you know me — I’m your native son.
I’m the train they call the City of New Orleans.
I’ll be gone 500 miles when the day is done.

November 2, 2009.

My household consists of one adult and one dog, so we don’t generate much garbage and trash.

And, even though I recycle like a good citizen should, I never have much for the recycling bins, either.

In Jefferson, my fair city, the trucks come around weekly. For a couple of years, I was in a routine of taking the containers to the street every other week. Weekly wasn’t worth the trouble.

The fact is, Jefferson has a perfectly fine garbage collection system; my garbage is efficiently whisked away every Wednesday morning, and as far as I can tell, they’ll take anything that fits in the container and isn’t alive.

But the recycling system here is only so-so; they whisk the stuff away all right, but they won’t take paper and cardboard. And if I have an overabundance of anything, it’s paper and cardboard.

Then, not long ago, I had the good fortune to discover the Hall County Recycling Center in Gainesville, 20 miles west of here.

Ah, Gainesville.

Gainesville, Georgia, population 30,000, once billed itself as the Queen City of the Mountains. Now, because of the steadily growing chicken processing industry, they prefer the Poultry Capitol of the World.

That claim is confirmed to all who go there by the distinctive aroma, depending on the wind direction, of boiled chicken.

The growth of the chicken business over the decades also affected Gainesville in another way: the processing plants demanded workers, and it was our Hispanic neighbors to the south who came to fill them.

As of the 2000 census, Gainesville was 33 percent Hispanic. Jefferson, by contrast, is four percent Hispanic. I guess folks go where the jobs are.

But more to my point, Gainesville is a larger and clearly more progressive city, recycling-wise. They recycle all sorts of things Jefferson doesn’t.

No, I don’t mean chicken parts. In addition to the usual newspaper, glass, aluminum, and yada-yada, Gainesville recycles junk mail, office paper, boxboard, cardboard, magazines, books, the paper labels from cans, and probably Chinese takeout containers.

Inside their warehouse is a full-blown paper recycling plant. Compacted bales of newsprint and junk paper are stacked to the ceiling. Forklifts scurry busily in all directions doing who knows what.

Like I said, I have TONS of paper and cardboard, so this was indeed an excellent discovery.

Accordingly, a while back, I set up a stack of recycling bins in my garage. When I have reason to go to Gainesville, which is usually every week or two, I go by the recycling center and make a drop.

The volume of my recycled material quickly shot up, of course, but I didn’t expect the volume of my garbage output to drop so dramatically.

The amount of paper I collect and recycle is truly amazing. And half of it, friends, is junk mail.

Nowadays, I take my containers to the curb every third week. Except for the ripening factor, I could do it once a month.

One of these days, the guys at Gainesville Recycling will spot the Jackson County tag on my car. No doubt they will give me a warning, ban me, and make a note of my tag number. So far, however, I’m doing good.

But each time I return home from a run to Gainesville, I always wonder if my dog detects the scent of boiled chicken on my clothes.
Recycling

Chicken

That Sunny Disposition

November 1, 2009.

Years ago, some astute fellow observed that Jimmy Carter was a mean man with a nice philosophy, and Ronald Reagan was a nice man with a mean philosophy. Amen to that.

My opinion of Carter is mixed because he’s from Georgia, but I always disliked Reagan. His rise to prominence offended me greatly, and I hated his politics.

The only other politician who gets under my skin in a major way like Reagan — the only other one who causes my upper lip to rise into a snarl at the mention of his name — is Dick Cheney.

Reagan rose to fame as a B movie actor whose public persona was sort of a male version of a dumb blonde. He played the same genially ditzy character in every film. I dismissed him as a ham actor and a doofus.

Later, Reagan became the host of the television series Death Valley Days, and he did TV commercials for General Electric. The genially ditzy act remained the same. Like John Wayne, he played the same role every time he appeared.

When he announced his candidacy for Governor of California, I laughed. The man was a ham actor and a doofus. When he won, I shook my head sadly over the dumbing down of the electorate.

When he ran against Gerald Ford in the Republican Presidential Primary, my blood pressure spiked again. To me, Reagan was just an empty suit, someone taking advantage of his name recognition, like a reality show contestant.

But inexplicably, plenty of people in the country took him seriously. Empty suit or not, they loved him.

When he got elected President in 1980, I was greatly offended. I still considered him to be a lightweight — a former actor who was still in character. But the Republican political machine was marketing him with great skill.

Reagan famously said, “Government is not the solution to our problems; government is the problem.”

Casting around for issues to illustrate that statement and fire up the masses, they settled on these:

States’ Rights — No one can tell YOU what to do.

Cut taxes on the corporations — When they get rich, the bounty will trickle down to all of you little people.

Slash government regulation — Get those bureaucrats out of the way so private enterprise can operate the way it wants to.

Anti-communist zeal — The God-given mission of the USA is to thwart the Evil Empire.

Ramp up defense spending — Only the U.S. military can stop them Russians from ruling the earth.

The Reagan people also systematically cut funds for many non-military programs, including Medicaid, food stamps, education, and the EPA. It was strongly pro-America, they said, to stop supporting all those undeserving deadbeats.

Meanwhile, the national debt went from $700 billion to $3 trillion.

In late 2005, the government’s shameful mishandling of Hurricane Katrina finally turned the public against George Bush the younger. I got some satisfaction from that, because I was anti-Bush from the beginning.

But to my great chagrin, Ronald Reagan’s popularity never waned. Today, large numbers of people remember him warmly. And, in the la-la land of the Republican faithful, he has been glorified, exalted, beatified, and deified.

That doesn’t change the facts. Reagan was merely a one-time ham actor and an empty suit. A genial ditz. A doofus with handlers.

In the 1980s, when the USSR finally imploded, the fall of communism was correctly attributed to a complex series of events and circumstances, internal and external.

It was generally held that the cost of the Cold War had finally emptied the Soviet coffers; we unwittingly ran them into a financial ditch. Internal forces then took advantage of the government’s weakened condition.

Reagan, always the crusading anti-communist, rightfully crowed about their demise. But he never claimed credit for it.

It didn’t take long, however, for the revisionists to step in. Late in Reagan’s life, when sanctification of the man by the conservatives was at its height, the story changed.

Their claim: Reagan had not simply been President and a key player when communism crumbled; he had cleverly orchestrated the fall.

Give me a freaking break.

Cartoonist Kirk Anderson, whom I featured here earlier this month, perfectly captured Ronald Reagan and how he is fondly remembered by certain Americans today:

Remembering Reagan

Most people remember the hype. I remember Ronald Reagan as a lightweight who was used to advance a very mean philosophy.

By the Numbers

October 31, 2009.

Number of times the F-word was used in selected popular films:

Casino — 362
The Big Lebowski — 241
Reservoir Dogs — 200
Goodfellas — 190
Pulp Fiction — 185
American History X — 161
South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut — 143
Good Will Hunting — 139
Platoon — 130
Boogie Nights — 121
The Last Boy Scout — 115
Jackie Brown — 109
Trainspotting — 104
The Blair Witch Project — 97
Get Shorty — 89
Dogma — 82
Full Metal Jacket — 72
Dazed and Confused — 64
Basic Instinct — 62
Die Hard 2 — 57
Fargo — 56
Die Hard — 49
Lethal Weapon — 48
Natural Born Killers — 46
Unforgiven — 44
Fight Club — 41
The Shawshank Redemption — 41
The Usual Suspects — 41
The Beach — 38
Cliffhanger — 32
I Know What You Did Last Summer — 31
Bull Durham — 29
48 Hours — 26
Apocalypse Now — 25
L.A. Confidential — 24
The Breakfast Club — 23
Thelma and Louise — 23
Aliens — 22
American Beauty — 22
Saving Private Ryan — 21
Terminator 2: Judgment Day — 21
Sling Blade — 17
Alien 3 — 15
Predator — 15
Twelve Monkeys — 14
A Few Good Men — 13
Blade Runner — 11
The Terminator — 11
Election — 10
The English Patient — 9
Scream 2 — 8
The Silence Of The Lambs — 7
Forrest Gump — 5
Pretty Woman — 4
Rushmore — 4
The Perfect Storm — 3
Raising Arizona — 3
When Harry Met Sally — 3
The Bridges Of Madison County — 2
A Clockwork Orange — 2
Titanic — 2
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — 1

F-word

 

Night and Day

October 30, 2009.

This is a traditional story of the Chemehuevi people of eastern Arizona and southern California…

—————

There was a time when the tribes of the earth did not get along, bickering and fighting all the time. It got so bad that Creator decided to punish them by taking away the light. The world was plunged into perpetual darkness.

The people sent messengers to Creator to plead for the return of the light.

They sent a hawk, but Creator just sat there, wrapped in his robes, and refused to look up.

The people sent an eagle, and the same thing happened.

Then they sent a group of hummingbirds. Still, Creator kept his head buried in his robes and would not listen.

Then the hummingbirds began to peck at Creator’s robes — peck, peck, peck, peck — all over. Finally, Creator looked up.

The hummingbirds asked Creator what the people could do to get the light back.

“They know what they need to do,” Creator answered. And that was all he would say.

The hummingbirds reported back to the people, and the people understood. They quit their fighting, and Creator gave light back to the earth.

But this time, he kept part of each day dark, like it is today, to remind the people to behave.

And on a clear night, when you look up into the sky, you can see the holes that the hummingbirds pecked in Creator’s robes.

Hummingbirds

 

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